the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
