don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
