After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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