I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
