Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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