He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
