And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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