I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
