i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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