Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
