i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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