Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
