I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
