guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
