Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
