Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
