Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
