I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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