Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
