god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
