I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
