In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
