Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize