I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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