she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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