i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
