Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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