too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
