your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
