8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
