Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
