When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
