There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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