Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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