He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
