hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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