How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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