So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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