Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
