WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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