OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
