I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
