I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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