he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
