I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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