There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
