YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
