His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They have beer where we have blood.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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