Me too!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
