She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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