oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
