so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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