I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
