Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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