New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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