I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
