so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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