she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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