I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
