actually, I'm a sock model
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
