I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
