I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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