Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
