At least make sure they are 18
Why
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
