I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
