my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We don't watch enough power rangers
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How naked do you want me to be?
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