4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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