Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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