so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize