I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
