she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
