Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
