Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
